So Tragic

I am so behind in documenting here on this blog.  I have wanted to get caught up but have put it off. 
I have decided that I need to express my feelings about this tragedy, even if I am not caught up.

Yesterday, December 14, there was a tragic rampage-shooting at an elementary school in Connecticut.  20 children were shot and 6 adults before the shooter killed himself.

I am a mother of four children. I have sent my children out of my door to school for the past fifteen years.  I have said, "I love you-have a good day" every single one of those days. I then go about taking care of business at home, assuming that my children are learning and safe.  I hear the bus and welcome them home.

Yesterday my confidence and trust about sending my children out into the world was shattered.  It has been shattered before, however, there always seemed to be enough big pieces that were left over to keep going.  

In 1999 there was the tragic shooting at Columbine High School. Along with our nation, I was shocked that such a horrible thing could happen-anywhere, but especially a school.
I remember 9/11.  I remember wondering if I should go and get Ashley from school.  I remember being so grateful when I watched her get off of that bus. I watched too much news coverage.

As the years have passed more and more tragedy's have happened.  Shooting after shooting in post offices, malls, schools, colleges, tiny Amish schools, public political rally's, movie theaters.  It seems that these horrible acts are becoming so common that it is happening on a regular basis.  This week alone there were two.

I am an educator by profession.  Twenty years ago I did my student teaching in a third grade classroom.  I remember very clearly the day that we had an "intruder drill."   I remember being instructed to have the children gather behind the wall behind the teacher's desk.  I remember thinking how awful it was that we needed to teach our kids this.  This was BEFORE the Columbine tragedy.  Before all of the terrific scenes that have played out since.  I remember thinking how scary it would be, but I also remember being naive enough to think something terrible could never really happen.

Time moved forward.  Columbine's tragedy happened it 1999.  Ashley was barely in school.  By the time Ashley was in high school multiple massacres had happened.  Right before school started the sports teams all participated in a "shooter drill".It was the first time the district had had this type of drill.   It was actually called a "shooter drill."   All the kids that played sports were involved in the drill.  They all knew it was happening.  They had all been instructed on what to do.   Ashley came home that day a very scared fourteen year old.  She told me about the drill.  How it transpired, what they did.  She said, "Mom, I knew it was fake, and it was so scary!"   I remember having the thought that never in my life did I ever worry about being shot.  I grew up in a time when everyone hunted.  At any given time you could go into the school parking lot and find a rifle across the back window of a pickup truck.  Never did I fear that someone would come into that school and open fire.  Now my child was having a drill to help them know what to do.

Hearing about this latest tragedy yesterday has shaken me to my core.  A twenty year old walked into an elementary school and opened fire. An elementary school!  All the children were between five and nine years old.  As I heard the door open I was so relieved to see my big sixteen year old walk into my house.  I watched the clock slowly tick as I waited for the bus that would bring Justin home.  I walked to the bus stop.  While I waited for that bus I cried. My sweet, busy boy would be getting off of that bus.  The parents of twenty children in Connecticut were not having that experience.   They were waiting in a fire station awaiting the news identifying their children.  They all knew that if they were there that their children were among those that were dead.  They knew that they would never again hold their child.  The presents that they had gotten for Christmas would never be opened. 
As I waited, the tears streamed down my face.  I have never been so relieved to see that little boy jump off that bus.  He had no idea why I was at the bus stop.  I don't usually wait for him.  He gave me a hug and went on his way.  As far as I know he and the others were oblivious to the tragedy that had transpired earlier in the day.   I am grateful that they don't know. 

Sadly, however, I know. I know that every single day that I send my little family out into the world that they are at risk.  I know that there are crazy people out there.  I remember after 9/11 feeling very angry.  I remember not wanting to allow the terrorists to make me feel afraid.  I didn't  want to have my life taken over by fear.  

I don't feel that strong today.  I want to keep my family close by.  I want them to never have to leave my house ever again.  I am reminded of my wedding day when the officiator married us.  He said," Your home will become a sanctuary, the only place that your children are truly safe."   I have never forgotten that.   That time has come. 

How do we keep going?  How do we continue to live? How do we allow our children to go to school? Do we?  Do we go shopping?  How do we not live in fear?

I don't have any answers.  I don't know how we continue.  I know that I am not confident that my children are safe at school.  I know that our high school is a horrible place.  I know that there is a risk every single day.  How do we keep going?  I feel exhausted and completely spent. 

I also realize that I am a lucky mom.  My children are home.  My children have played Lego's, played the piano, played video games, eaten, fought, hugged and made messes. My children are here with me.  I tucked them all into bed last night.  I got to tell them all that I loved them and then looked at their sleepy faces when they woke up this morning.

I guess that we keep going on because it is what we have to do. We look at their faces and keep trying to help them plug through this life. Even when we are tired, we keep fighting the dragons because we love them.  We keep keeping on because really we don't have much choice.

 We do it because we love them.

Mitch's 16th Birthday

September 15th was Mitch's 16th Birthday!

 

How did that happen?  I Remember parent's older than us, when our babies were tiny telling us to "enjoy them, they grow fast!"   I never really understood it until we had a little time and age on us.   It is hard to believe that this big 6'3" young man is the same little white haired boy from not so long ago!!

 

 

We had a suprise party with some of his friends.  They did actually surprise him so that was fun.  They played a scavenger hunt all around the neigborhood and then watched--Football!

 

 

Mitch got a new phone for his birthday, it is permanently attached to him.  

It has happened again! I have been gone too long!  I have things to update-not even sure all that I have missed!  Something is up with me adding pictures so I will try and figure that out!

So- since school started we have:

*played football---lots and lots of football!  That is coming to an end.  Just in time for freezing winter.
*Emily started tennis lessons
*We went to Flaming Gorge for Labor Day Weekend
*Mitch had his 16th Birthday!(wow-that went fast)
*I finally ran a HALF MARATHON!!!
*I had a birthday
*We went to General Conference(most of us)
*Justin had his 8th Birthday
*Justin got baptized-my baby got baptized!
*We went to Sand Hollow for Fall Break

These are a few highlights-hopefully, I can write about most of them-with pictures!!!

First Day of School!! August 23, 2012

First Day of School!

 Mitch started 10th grade, Emily 7th Grade and Justin 2nd grade!  Mitch is always so excited to have these pictures taken!!

Emily is turning into such a beatiful girl!  She is MUCH taller than her mother now! She measures in at 5'71/4"!

Where did the baby go?  He is now a big second grader!

These two boys!!  They have such fun together!  We are so glad that the Wilkensens moved in across the street!

This is what their picture session turned into!!Silly, silly boys!

There they go! Just like that another summer ends and another school year begins!

Justin's First Talk

Justin had to give a talk in Primary.  It was his very first time.  He was terribly nervous!  He wasn't going to do it.  He was being very stubborn.  After we worked out a deal(bribe) he decided he could do it.

He went in and did a great job telling about how to Choose The Right.  Keep it up, buddy-we are so proud of you!!

Justin's First Football Game!

 Justin is playing tackle football this year!!  How is this tiny little boy big enough to play tackle football?  He barely seems big enough to me!

 His team has both 7 and 8 year olds so there are varying sizes of kids.  We thought Justin would be one of the biggest, but with both ages he is in the middle.

Justin managed a few really great tackles after he got the hang of it. We know that with time he will really start to enjoy football.  We are glad that he is trying so hard at practice.  It was/is a lot of work and it has been very hot. 

We are so glad that he loves it!!

Ashley Ran!

On August 10th Ashley ran her first half marathon!  That is 13.1 miles!!  She registered way before Ragnar.  Ragnar really killed her feet-stupid minimalist shoes!  So, she really didn't train for this half.  We got her new shoes and she decided to run.

She finished!!!  She says she would like to do one more with some training to redeem herself!  She finished in 2:50:59 .

We are so proud of you Ash for doing something so hard!!

Pioneer Days in St. Anthony!

We spent the last week in Idaho at my Mom's house.  It is a perfect place to enjoy summer!  Emily went a week early and spent her time reading, reading and then a bit more reading.   When Justin and I got there we just enjoyed the beautiful mild weather.  We went swimming at the sandbar, road bikes all around town, went to the Drug Store for 50 cent ice cream cones. We went and visited two old Uncles-Uncle Darell and Uncle Alvin(my Dad's brothers)  That was hard to see them so frail.  We had a birthday party for Van and watched the Sound of Music!  We visited Regina and her family and then played some more at the river.

Playing at Grandma Dalley's in the summer is one of the highlights of our summer!!!

(there are a ton of pictures---like 50!Also-they are in crazy order)


Justin loves playing with Grandma's trikes.  He is almost too tall, but he figured out
how to make it work!!

I love watching Justin concentrate and just totally get into what he is doing!

The Horsey Park is a favorite-there are now new(shorter and not as fun) slides.

While we were at the park we ran into cousin Van!!! He is a little
whirlwind of energy!!

The new little horsey isn't quite big enough for Justin!

I ran my first 10K!!!  I even got 2nd in my age category!!
(there were only two people in the category--I was the very
last person to finish the 10K)

Tyler Lamph and Ashley

Waiting patiently for the parade to start!

Sweet Baby Ava and her first snow cone!!

Rose Cousins and family!   Liza, Teressa, Aunt LaRae and Connie

Val and Nora Terry

Emily and Ava

Dave, Vance and Daren

Steve, Sydni, Birkli and Carson Spencer

The view of our yard from the street!

The parade committee honored Uncle Merrill as the Grand Marshall of the
parade. He passed away a couple of months ago.
  The family rode on this float and threw 150 pounds of candy!

I cried when I saw Kassi on the float crying!

Uncle Garth and Uncle Merrill were always yelling "Throw More Candy!" during the
parade.  As the parade started I turned around to Wyatt and told him to yell. 
He did and I cried!  It is so hard to lose all these people we love so much!

Great Granny Dalley with Ava

I love the horses and flags.  They are one of the favorites in the parade.

Each church congregation(ward) sponsors a float.  The theme this year was
"They, the builders of the nations"

?????

We went to the Sandbar with Van--it was his first time!

Van and Brittany

Aunt Rhonda swam down with Emily and Justin.

This is what my mother's fridge looks like--Emily thought she was
going to starve!!  We had to go to the store!

Rose and Baby Ava at Vans birthday party

Uncle Royce set up a crochet course, he even mowed it
especially for the game!!

Royce and Rhonda with their grand kids!

Ava and the inchworm!

Justin pushed Van all around the course in the truck as fast as he could! 
Van loved having a big kid to play with !

I love being from a little tiny town! 



Baby Bentley-he was a bit nervous about getting the candy!

Justin went to the rodeo with Sydni and her kids.  He had a ball!
Justin, Carson and Birkli(and some girl photo bombing!)

We celebrated Uncle Doyle's 80th birthday!  Love these people!

Rose Cousins(at least some of us!)


I Love that my family is close and that we still love spending time together-even though we all live all around.  It is strange to realize how time is marching on.  Most of the cousins have married children and grandchildren-We have lost six Uncles, one cousin and two grand babies. 
We are a blessed group!!!