The Magic Factor

I am part of a women's online running group.  We are basically there to help motivate and support each other in our desire to be our best selves.  Some of the women have run many marathons.  Others are beginning to walk.  We have fast, slow and everything in between in our ranks.  We have all ages of women from very young to a bit more mature.  We have married women, single women, divorced women, women with and women without children.  We are a group of women that exists to help us all reach our goals.  Whatever that goal is!

A week or so ago, I had a really rough day at Crossfit.  I'm not sure why this particular day was harder than any other, but it felt especially difficult.  The inner dialogue that I fought in my head was not nice. 


Later that day I came to our little group and I wrote this entry:

So- being flat out honest, my workout at Crossfit today was HORRIBLE! The kind of horrible that while riding the devil's bicycle (airdyne stationary bike), much slower than I should have been, yet wanting to die, I considered quitting Crossfit for good. "Just go home and run a little sometimes. Just go and take it a little easier- this is craziness! Who wants to workout this hard?"

A little background. I've been doing Crossfit for 3 years. I go to an amazing box with top--.competitor level athletes.
I am NOT a competitor athlete! In fact after 3 years I am still quite below average! I am often one of the slowest to finish a workout- even after 3 years! My weights are low, I struggle with many, many elements.

Generally, I suck up my below average performance and accept that I am so much stronger than I was 3 years ago. I can do things I never dreamed of.

However, some days it just stinks being the weakest link!

I am generally one of those people that can motivate and inspire anyone. Helping them to be proud of any accomplishment-no matter how seemingly small or insignificant.

I was not able to do that for myself today. Even after getting 31 double unders (Rope going around twice for one jump) in a row! Even after improving my handstand push-ups. Even after going lower on stability dips.

Despite those accomplishments, I felt defeated.

Still wondering why this matters? Wondering why I am sharing? All I can think is that perhaps we all have really off days. We all forget that we are trying to improve. We forget that there will always be faster, thinner, smarter, richer, etc. etc. people.

The real test is to suck it up, spit it out and start again.

There is always tomorrow.

 

The women of our group gave many encouraging words.  Words that I would say to them.

I still wonder why we are so hard on ourselves?  Then I wonder if we are hard on ourselves because deep down we know that we are more capable than what we are currently doing.  I believe that most humans are innately lazy.  I think that we are like the river--we take the path of least resistance.  Why should we push ourselves when we don't need to? 

 

What is the magic factor that makes people want to get up at 4:30 a.m. and go out into the dark, cold night to run?  What is the magic factor that will make us get into a swimming suit and try to swim laps?  What is the magic factor that keeps me going to crossfit when it would be so much easier to just stay home?  What is the magic factor that makes me want to run when running is so difficult for me?

 

I think that for many, the magic factor might be competition.  That is NOT the magic factor for me!  I am about the least competitive person I know.  I am that person that starts out and just lets everyone get ahead and then I take my own sweet time looking at the pretty blue sky!  I don't know if I was born non-competitive or if it was a learned behavior as a very small child because I was not the fastest or best athlete.  Was it a coping mechanism?  Did I just stay back because then I wouldn't have to try too hard, so then I wouldn't fail?  (I should have been a psychologist)

 

What is the magic factor?  I'm not sure--I will keep trying to figure it out!!!

 

 

Goodbye January

  January 31---That is a date that is a welcome sound.  January is often a hard month.  It comes after the colorful, fast paced months of November and December.  We celebrate, decorate, plan and experience so many things between Thanksgiving and New Years.  Then comes January. 


  January feels cold, dark and dreary.  It is often the coldest month of the year so we are stuck inside much of the time.  January--the longest month of the year!  I am grateful that we survived another January without being too much worse for the wear!


  I feel like I actually got quite a bit accomplished this January.  I started out the month by making a huge PURGE list.  The list keeps getting bigger and bigger!  However, there are things that are getting marked off of that list as well!  I have cleaned out two lazy Susan cupboards, cleaned out the medicine cabinet, cleaned out my bathroom cabinets and all the drawers.  I also managed to get Justin's very messy room cleaned!  All of these don't look like much when written down but for me, all of that adds up to a lot of purging!! 


  We have a DI donation drive next week.  I have enough to completely fill up my suburban.  That will be a good day!


  January has also been a good month for me to work on Purging my excuses.  I often really slide backwards on my physical health in January.  Remember, it is dark and cold!  This January I have tried very hard to keep exercising.  I have managed to go to Crossfit at least twice every week, I have ran once or twice every week and I actually put on a swimsuit and actually swam laps once!


  Swimming is a really big deal for me.  I have never been a strong swimmer.  I took a couple lessons when I was a kid but never learned how to swim with my face in the water. I never learned how to go under the water without plugging my nose.  I am not sure why, but for the last couple of years I have had this desire to become a better swimmer.  There are a few reasons why I haven't done it.

#1 I am a procrastinator

#2 I freeze in the water

#3 I am a procrastinator

#4 Fear


 Those four reasons pretty much sum up me and swimming.  I know how to swim.  I am not a good or strong swimmer, but I do know how to get myself across the swimming pool.  The day that I decided to get in the pool I just did it.  Emily had tennis so I decided that I had an hour and a half that I might as well use for something healthy.  So I ran two miles on the track and then I went and put on my suit and got in the pool.  The lap side of the pool. 


 The first lap I held on to the kick board.  I'm not sure why, perhaps just for the comfort of it.  The next lap I decided to just swim as far as I could.  I made it to the other side.  I stopped and then went again.  All in all I swam six laps.  Two with the kick board and four in the middle without.  Six laps and I was done.  I couldn't believe how hard swimming was!  I believe that it takes something like 35 laps to make a mile!  I swam like barely a block!!   Still, it was something.  I am not sure when I will get back into the pool.  I want to.  I want to be able to swim 10 laps without dying!  Maybe one day I could swim a mile!  Maybe someday I will learn how to put my face in the water!!


  I did something else great in January!  I signed up for my second half marathon!  I am running the Ogden Half Marathon on May 17th!!   I am scared.  Perhaps even more scared than my first half.  Perhaps because I have already run one half, I know more what to expect. Perhaps it is fear again.  I don't want to get hurt like I did last summer during Ragnar.  Regardless, I have paid the fee.  I am committed.  January is a month that I don't typically commit to much.  It is the month that I usually just try to get through!!  Regardless, I signed up and I have run.  Not a ton but I have run.  I actually even ran intervals at the track!


  January--glad to see you go.  You have been an okay month this year!   Here is looking ahead to February!!!

Cleaning out the lazy Susan's--that is a lot of plastic stuff with no matching lids!!!

Justin's bedroom has been a wreck for much too long!  He didn't have school today so we went to work!  Three garbage bags and one DI bag later and it looks so much better!

Medicine Cabinet Purge!

The Medicine Cabinet project!

 

The small cabinet next to our kitchen sink is our medicine cabinet. It is also a catch all for lots of junk! On the PURGE list has been to empty this cabinet. Oh my!! So much expired stuff!!

I believe that the oldest expiration date was a bottle of antibiotic eye drops from 2006! That is old!

How many medicine cups do we need? Nine? Maybe a few too many.

I went through everything - miracle grow? In the medicine cupboard? Bug spray?

It was a big old pile of expired stuff!

It is amazing how much better it feels!!!

Purge

  Years ago Ali Edwards started a trend that has taken off.  It is called the Word of the Year.
The idea is that you choose a word that you are going to focus your life on and around for the next 12 months.  I liked the idea.  I have thought about it a few times.  I have even chosen a word a time or two.  I remember writing some years back that my word was FOCUS.   I don't really know how well I kept that word in my life or how it helped me or didn't help me. Sadly, I am like others and by the time March rolls around I am on to some other challenge and the New Year focus has been forgotten.

As 2013 started to roll to a close the posts about other people's Word of the Year started to circulate again.  I just kept feeling the urgency to purge everything around me.  I kept thinking that Purge is not a terribly positive or motivating word.  It seems, well, a bit gross!   My thoughts go to a bulimic person trying to purge their bodies of food.   So why would I keep coming back to this word?

 We have lived in our new house for 12.5 years now.  It is a lovely home with a lot of bedrooms and lots of closets.  It has held six people for most of those twelve years.  That is a lot of living.  That is a lot of stuff.  I have been feeling for quite some time that I am being consumed by the chaos that my house has become.  After twelve years there is a lot of excess.  Stuff we don't need.  Stuff we have outgrown, out used, grown tired of, moved passed or even just ignored.  

   I am the mother.  That role gives me the responsibility--even if not desired, to be the one that takes charge and makes this house more acceptable.   I don't really like that I am the one that is responsible, it isn't all my stuff!  However, it seems to have fallen on me to be the one to take charge and take care of the stuff or be in charge of other people taking care of the stuff!!

  So, enter my Word of the Year----PURGE!   I just couldn't get away from it.  I have tried to think of other ways that the word could be used.  The most obvious is to purge unneeded or unwanted things from my life.  That is the easy(although the actual purging is time consuming) part of the word purge.

  As I have begun the process of purging our living space, I have been trying to live with the word purge in other ways.  This may be the more exciting part of the process. 

What needs purged in my life?
*toxic thoughts
*toxic people
*excuses


Could purging toxic thoughts make it so that I am able to focus and have more positive experiences?

Could purging toxic people make it so that I have less negative influences?

Could purging excuses change my life? 

So---Bring it on 2014!!  I am going to make this a great year!!

Trying for 2014!

I have gotten so good at coming back to this place and saying I am going to do better and then another month--or six goes by. 

I have realized that in the last few years blogging has changed.   When I first started this blog in 2006 it was a really new platform.  It was so fun to be able to get on and share snippets of life.  I would put a picture of the cinnamon rolls I made(I used to do that).  Or I showed pictures of my cute kids and their not so cute messes.  Then facebook rolled around.  Everyone started sharing all the snippets on facebook.  Then enter smartphones.  It was so easy to post the tidbits to facebook with our phones. 

   Blogging started to drastically change.  People started to have fancy smancy blogs that had advertisements and sponsors.  Blogs became websites that we learn DYI skills from.  The personal factor seemed to leave.  I have never had much desire to have a job out of my blog.  

   At this time I was sucked into the facebook and texting world.  Those two things seemed to be where I shared all the teeny tidbits of our lives.  However, I have felt like I am shortchanging myself ever since.  Last year I didn't post at all.  I went through and put a holder post so that I can go back and put up a general idea about what happened in our lives in each month.  

   The truth is that this is the best scrapbook that my family has--of them and of me.  I haven't been able to separate them-perhaps I should. 

    So, on this Wednesday in cold January I am going to try and start changing how I blog again.  Facebook is a general waste of time.  I have a few special groups that I belong to, the rest is just a colossal time waster!  Also, I want a written account of my life. 

   As we all know, there are parts of life that will never be appropriate to share--although many people think that facebook is the place to share everything!!

  I am going to start this year by admitting to a lot of failure!  I have failed to keep up---on almost anything!  My house is drowning in a sea of clutter and chaos.  So much so that I have declared

 

2014 - The year of the Purge!

 

I have started making a list.  You know the list--the one that has so much stuff on it that it feels very overwhelming.  Then a few years later you find the list and realize that most of the stuff on it never got done!!

  Well, I am trying!  I have made my list, I am checking it twice!  I have started to actually mark a few things off of that list!

 

It feels good!  I hope that I can come and share in this space--for me and for my family--we do lots of fun stuff!