Twenty Three years

It has been twenty three years since my Dad left us. My scab is open today.

Garth Rose 1946-2011

It has been an entire month I have put off writing about my Uncle Garth's death. I guess it is time.

My Uncle Garth is my Mom's baby brother. He is the youngest of nine children. My Mom tells the story of when Garth was born. In those days no one talked about pregnancy, so my Mom and two other younger siblings had no idea what was happening when the taxi(yes-a taxi in our tiny, tiny town) came and took their parents to the hospital. My Mom-Veda Mae(7), Uncle Ronnie(6), and Aunt Verla(4) hid in my grandparents closet "howling" because they thought their mother was dying! They were all pleasantly surprised when the new baby brother was brought home.

My Mom and her sister and seven brothers have always been close. However, I personally witnessed my Mom and Uncle Garth's relationship get stronger twenty three years ago. Twenty three years ago on Friday my Dad succumbed to a serious depression and committed suicide. He was forty six years old. My Mom was forty nine. I was nineteen.

To say the least, it was a horrible, difficult time. I am the youngest of four. I was attending college. My sister lived in Utah, my oldest brother Royce was married and Vance was working nonstop. Mom was alone-a lot. This was a time before cell phones and 24/7 connections! Over the course of the next two years I called my Mom--constantly. I needed it, she needed it. However, often when I called she wouldn't be home. I always worried. I automatically called Uncle Garth and Aunt Ann's house. Nine out of ten times she was there. Many times a week I would call and they had just been by with some food. I think that my Aunt Ann's food was the only real food my Mom ate for two years.

As time always does it slowly moved passed those initial first dark years. In April of 1990 I married my sweetheart. We married in the Idaho Falls LDS Temple. I asked Uncle Garth to be my witness. He carried my wedding dress in for me, accidentally dragging the bottom on the ground. The nice ladies cleaned it for me!

Time continued to move along. Uncle Garth's kids got older, married, had children, as did we. We have always spent Thanksgiving together with some or all of us at my Mom's house.

Uncle Garth started having health issues when he was thirty one with his first heart attack. He struggled through many, many surgeries over the years.

About five years ago we went on a cruise with my Mom, Aunt Ann, Uncle Garth and numerous of their friends. There are memories from that trip I will treasure in my heart forever.

One night on the cruise there was a dance party by the pool. Most of our group was sitting around the edge. I will never forget Uncle Garth going out on that dance floor and dancing with me. I love the memory in my mind of that dance!

Uncle Garth always had a twinkle in his eye. He was a big kid at heart. He had the ability to make anyone feel comfortable. Whenever I saw Uncle Garth I knew he was glad to see me, his eyes twinkled and he would say "How are ya, Sis?" and I felt loved.

Shortly after our cruise Uncle Garth's health took a drastic turn for the worse. With the years of heart problems his kidney's finally gave out. He had to begin dialysis. Three times a week for at least three hours. For four years Garth went to dialysis. He also did lots of other things. He was Mayor of St. Anthony, golfed with his boys, visited family and was the best grandpa ever. Rarely during those four years did he complain. He endured almost twenty surgeries.

Last fall things started to get more difficult. Infection in his knee made it necessary for another surgery and necessitated him going to a care facility.

Thanksgiving 2010 my Mom's kitchen was torn up. It was the first Thanksgiving in thirty years we didn't spend it together. I felt the change.

The week after Christmas Garth had more difficult news from his doctors. The infection wasn't going away and he would need immediate surgery to continue dialysis. Garth made the difficult decision to discontinue dialysis. He was tired.

I was in Idaho visiting. I had originally not been going to come because of a wedding. However, I had a feeling that I needed to go and visit with Uncle Garth. I will forever be grateful that I listened to that prompting. Dave came up quickly and we said our goodbyes. Such a strange process, talking about the funeral with Garth. Garth asked Dave to play the piano and my Mom to speak.

I remember leaving the care facility knowing it was the last time I would see Uncle Garth. I remember hugging Wyatt, Chad and Sydni, my dearest, closest cousins, knowing they were losing their Dad. I have been there. I ached for them.

In the next few days word spread and hundreds of friends and family came to visit. It was a special yet difficult time for all of them. During the next week Uncle Garth and Aunt Ann asked my Mom if she would spend the night with Garth so Ann could get some rest. Mom was the only one that Garth would ask. Those nights will always be a sacred time shared between brother and sister.

My cousin Sydni is about seven years younger than me. She has always been like a baby sister-but better--we never had to share anything! On Sunday Jan. 9, I convinced Sydni to let me drive her from Utah to Idaho. Her Dad was close to the end and she needed to be there. Those four hours were a privilege for me. I had the strongest feeling that her Dad was waiting for her to get there.

When we arrived in Rexburg, I stopped suddenly and reached out to Sydni. I knew she was so upset and agitated. I told her that I had the calmest feeling. She looked at me and said she felt it too. We went in quickly, I told Uncle Garth I loved him and went to wait for my Mom. We went in together for a moment. I will always remember my Mom tenderly hugging her baby brother and giving him a kiss and him responding to her. Their bond was so, so strong.

We left and waited for the shuttle to take me home. As soon as Chad got there Uncle Garth passed away. He waited for all his children to gather around him.

I have been very blessed to have a close family. My Mom's siblings and all their children have an unusually tight bond. We are spread out all over, lead very different lives, we rarely see each other. However, when we get together you can feel the love that we share for each other.

As we said our final goodbyes at Uncle Garth's funeral I was just amazed at how lucky we all were to have had Uncle Garth in our lives.

The older I get the more difficult these partings are becoming. I looked around at the funeral-the reality of twenty or more funerals in the next years was very real. I am one of the youngest grandchildren.

Death is so strange. It hits us and rips us open, leaving a gaping, bleeding wound. Eventually the gaping hole stops bleeding and starts to heal. However, it never really heals completely. It leaves a permanent scab. Most of the time the scab is just a reminder, we run our hand over it and remember and move on. Other times, in unexpected moments the scab gets ripped off and we are brought to our knees in our grief again.

Perhaps this process helps us become kinder, more gentle people, knowing that all these people we hold dear are all on temporary loan. Perhaps the reason we experience death is to help us actually live more fully. Perhaps death helps us to recognize who and what is important.

Family, people and relationships--they are the most important and lasting things. In the end they are all that truly matters.

February 1

February is here. We survived another January.

I can hardly believe that my life moves so quickly and I seem to move so slowly.

I haven't written about my Uncle Garth and his passing. It was almost a month ago.
I haven't written about my word/s for the year. I am still trying to convince myself it is okay to have two!

I remember having a conversation with a wise elderly man. This man had taught school for almost 40 years. We were talking about Dave's new calling as Bishop of the Young Adult Singles ward at the University. We talked about their struggles. What he said has stuck with me, I hear it sometimes in my mind.

"What young people have to realize and understand to be successful in life and marriage is that sometimes it is hard. It is sometimes hard for years. If they realize that and just keep trying they will get to the other side. It might take five years. Just keep trying."

Sometimes I wonder if we are on the five year plan.

Sledding at "Boys Town"

Sledding at Grandma Dalley's house is always a blast! This year we headed out to the Sand Dunes to hit the big hills. As we approached the sledding hill I noticed the snow drifts forming. We all piled out of the car and realized that the famous Idaho wind had started to howl. Mitch and Zack made it up one time and we all got back in the car before we died of exposure!!

We decided to go back to "Boy's town" and see if we had better luck there.

It was fun to watch the kids get more and more brave. Little Caden was very very nervous. Betsy is such a good Mom and started going down the hill to show him it was okay. I got to use my new zoom lens and take pictures--until my fingers were about frozen!!

While we were there another family came to sled-as they were getting out of the car I realized that it was my cousin Kassie and her little kids! Emily and Samantha had a ball sledding together.

Mitch and Zack kept trying to make trains but seemed to crash every time. Justin was a little die hard! He climbed up that hill over and over. He kept turning backwards on the saucer so he never knew when he was going to hit the little jump--and then fly and crash! He got up laughing every single time!

We are always trying to get good family shots. This is the first year with baby Bentley. Weird to think that sweet baby Christa is a Momma. He is such a sweet little tiny thing!

The LeCheminant's

Christa, James, and Baby Bentley

The Carrigan family wasn't too excited about their family shot. Justin was nowhere to be found-at least not willing to stand for a picture!!

In the glow

One of my favorite parts of Christmas is the tree lit up in the dark! This year our little tree greeted me every morning at 4:30 am on my way to the gym. I would look at it and enjoy those little glowing lights.

As another Christmas and year fade into the recesses of memory I hope that I can remember those sweet moments of the season. It seems that some years are harder than others for varying reasons. 2010 seemed to be one of those years. However, there were blessings. There were moments of joy. One fact that I am grateful for is my knowledge of my Savior. Christmas gets really crazy with four children. It is easy to get wrapped up in the chaos. In those quiet moments in the glow of our little tree I am glad I have this knowledge.

Christmas Morning 2010

Santa Arrived!! During the night of Santa's visit he and his Elves moved our Christmas tree into the family room! It must have occurred to Santa that the piano room isn't big enough for a tree, presents and six people! There also isn't a chair for Daddy to rock in!

Justin was so excited about his Star War lego sets. He is quite the builder.

Ashley and Mitch were struggling being awake-Ashley said that her room is NOT the sleepover room ever again! Emily and Justin Started asking if it was time every half hour at 2:30am!

There always seems to be a crazy mess! I hope we didn't lose anyone in there!

"All I Want!"

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth!"

This cute little guy lost both his front teeth within two days! The second tooth he lost on the day Mom and Dad went to Boise. He dropped his little tooth box in the snow and lost it. He was heartbroken! How would the tooth fairy ever know? Lucky for Justin after everyone came home the tooth fairy found out about his tooth!

I just need to smooch on that little toothless face constantly!

Christmas Eve 2010

New Christmas P.J's!

For Christmas Eve we almost always go to Grandma Janet's house for clam chowder. Before that we let the kids open a present--it is always new pajamas!

This year we really wanted the kids to give gifts to each other. We haven't always done this. We began a new tradition of opening the gifts to each other on Christmas Eve. This way it won't get lost in the shuffle on Christmas morning. Justin and Emily really got into buying their gifts. They really really thought about their purchases. They both used their own money--Justin's coming from losing his teeth! We went to the little dollar store and he really thought about his gifts. A necklace for Ashley, a porcelain doll for Emily and some safety goggles for Mitch(so he could use them with his air soft guns). Even though he only spent a few dollars I think that his little heart was totally in the right place. Hopefully, they will get better at really thinking of others and understand how good it is to give! Emily really thought about her gifts as well. She went all out for Justin, buying him a great pirate outfit. She got Ash a necklace and Mitch some Dr. Pepper--his favorite.

Christmas Eve we also let them open one other gift. It was Just Dance 2 for the Wii. It was hysterical to watch the kids trying to "karaoke dance" to the image on the screen! They must have danced for two hours--maybe more! After the two little kids went to bed Ashley and Mitch sat around showing Dad funny youtube videos. It was after 1:00am before they went to bed. It was a fun Christmas Eve.

Ward Christmas Party

When we were getting ready to leave for the church Christmas party Justin became very serious, "Mom, I need to put my suit on, to look nice for the program." Ok, my little man! He certainly was a mighty fine dressed young man right there on the front row!!

Father Christmas came to talk with the children. He visited with them and then gave them a sack of treats with an orange in the sack! The kids all thought that was great. I remember when we used to have an orange in the bottom of our stocking!

While we were waiting to eat dinner Justin pulled out his front tooth! Just in time for Christmas! The tooth fairy was one tricky gal! She hides that money so well that usually Mom has to go in to help find it!

Grandma Dalley's Christmas Box

My children look forward to "Grandma's Christmas box!" It is a tradition that she has done for years. At the beginning of December Grandma Dalley sends a special Christmas box. In it are special ornaments. My children know with anticipation that these special ornaments will be angels for the girls and Santas for the boys. All the children are amassing quite a collection. We could have a separate tree decorated with only Santas and one with only Angels. This is a tradition that I hope will continue for many many more years!

Our "Polar Express Trip!"

At the beginning of December we went to Heber, Utah and took a train ride on the "North Pole Express!" It was such a fun night. We knew that we needed to go this year or Emily would be too big to love it. Justin was so excited!


One of Justin's favorite things to do in the whole world is sit next to his Daddy!

Justin and Em were all dressed in their jamma's---Justin even had on his robe--with no hole in his pocket-we checked!

As we headed toward the North Pole Justin watched out the window. We looked and looked for the reindeer. As we came around the lake it wasn't frozen over. Which explained why we were not driving ON the ice. Justin noticed the lights far off in the distance. He told me, "Mom, that is the Elf Village over there". I just started to tear up.

After the children were given hot chocolate and a cookie a special surprise--Mrs. Claus! She came by and spoke to all the children. She told them how proud Santa was of them for being such wonderful children.

Then we passed the North Pole! Santa was there waving. Santa then got on the train and came and visited with every single child. He gave them a special little gift-a little wooden top! Emily wasn't feeling well at this point so she didn't sit on his lap.
Justin asked Santa for some Star Wars legos!

After Santa left we sang Christmas Carols. I had one of those "Mother Moments" when I could hardly contain my emotions. As I tried to sing the songs I kept looking at these two little ones and just felt such love for them. I am so glad that we got to go and have this experience with them. The sheer joy and excitement that they felt could almost be touched. I know that they will treasure this experience forever. I know that I will!

We got silver bells for all the children so that they could always remember to "Believe."

Getting our 2010 Christmas Tree

While is was still November we made our annual trek to get our fresh Christmas tree. We have had a fresh tree forever. It has become a ritual for Dave and I. The little kids still love it, the big kids-not so much. However, this year I told Ashley that she had to come with us because it might possibly be the very last time that she ever goes with us to cut down our tree. She balked but in the end was the one that found our lovely little tree.

We go to a local tree farm that has been owned by this elderly gentleman for years. He is only open a few days now, if can't get there you are out of luck! We didn't go to Idaho so we were in town!

Emily helped Mitch with cutting duties and Justin helped with his cuteness! Mom has to remind everyone that we can't have a massive tree. We have to use my shortness to actually make sure we don't get more tree than our house can handle!!

We were sad when we realized that Mr. Knapp was not well enough to run the farm this year.

In the end we brought home a darling little tree.

Christmas Eve 2010

(Dalley Family 1969-I am the baby)

Most of the packages are wrapped! Dave is making carmels and the kids are anxiously awaiting their new pajamas to wear over to Grandma's house.

Nothing like being a child at Christmas!

Crazy that it is almost Christmas and the only thing I have posted is an infomercial for Shutterfly.

I have been busy, rather crabby, behind. To say the least there have been a million things going on. I hope that I can do a December WrapUp. There have been some lovely moments.

So-now that I have my Christmas cards back--I love the Shutterfly cards, however, they are EXPENSIVE! I was going to order extra and about died at the cost. I ordered from Costco-who needs a bigger selection of designs or a new designer but their quality was great and they were fast and cheap!

Merry Christmas!

Thanks for reading the little infomercial! Shutterfly ran a special for free cards! I do like their stuff!

CHRISTMAS CARD DECISION--WHICH CARD TO CHOOSE!!!!

In the last four years we have been to lots of weddings. When I say lots I mean LOTS and LOTS! Since Dave started serving with the single young adults we have had 76 weddings!! That doesn't include the other weddings that are with friends and neighbors!!

That my friends is a whole lot of weddings. I have noticed a lot of things at all of these weddings. Some good, some not so much. I have realized that there are a lot of things that people do for receptions that are totally unnecessary. The little glitter on the tables--not so necessary.

What I have realized is that the only thing that really has any lasting value from these weddings is the actual vows and covenants made to one another and the pictures that are taken. I have told many, many brides to be to focus on their photographer---spend their money there, not on the doilies on the table.

One of the things that I have noticed in the last four years is the way that many brides do guestbooks now. They are often scrapbooks with pictures that the guests sign. This is brilliant!!! One of my favorite guestbooks is actually a hardbound picture book made by Shutterfly. These are beautiful! I am going to start making these for my family! There are books that the company assembles for you, just upload pictures. If you are more daring you can create every page yourself.

Shutterfly also has Christmas cards. Last year was the first year that I actually did a printed card--I loved it! This year I am trying to decide between the many styles that Shutterfly has.

This one is leading the list!





If you have never looked at Shutterfly go to their website and browse. You will be amazed.

Check out their Holiday Cards . They have Christmas cards down to a science!

If you are interested in more birthday cards they have those as well.

For those of you with hard to buy people they have unique gifts. Mouse pads, mugs, Christmas ornaments, stamps, stickers,calendars, huge cutouts that mount on the wall, canvas prints--you name it.

Consider Shutterfly if you are thinking of ordering books, stationary or cards! I will let you know which one I order--perhaps you will get one in the mail!!