February 12, 2009

It happened.

I never thought that this would happen, but it did. Today, I was reading and turned with a jerk to look at the date. February 12,2009. My Dad died 21 years ago--YESTERDAY. This is the first year that I have not been keenly aware of the date. It is always there, in the dark recesses of my mind. His loss is never far from my thoughts.

On Saturday I told Mr. Sweetness (when he was looking at my creative mess) that Valentine's Day had been tainted for me for the last 20 years. This was the year that I was taking the holiday back. Sunday rolled around and we were busy with church, trying to nap(not successful), piano practicing, and making Valentine cookies. Never once during the day did I even think about the date.

Ten years ago I would have wondered if this was a lack of caring on my part. How could I forget? If I forgot when he died did that mean I was forgetting him?

I now wonder if perhaps it is just the opposite. Perhaps by finally not agonizing over when he died I can actually get on with living. My living with my little family. My Dad was a very outgoing person. He did everything with gustso(even snoring). He would never want anyone in his family to be paralyzed by the grief that his death brought.

So, today is February 12. It is a new day!