I am a thinker or more accurately a wonderer. I wonder about a lot of things. Generally these things have to do with the human psyche. Why do we do the things that we do? It must be the hidden psychologist inside me trying to emerge. I have always thought that someday I might go back to college and get a counseling degree.
Today my wonderings are about myself and my brain. I am confused about the ebb and flow I so often experience. Why does my body/brain have to have so many ups and downs? I want to feel energetic, happy, positive and healthy more than not. I don't want to have a great day followed by lots of average or less than average days. I am trying to find that body/spirit connection as well as trying to find the proper way to fuel my body that makes it stronger and less prone to the ebb and flow. I don't feel like I am making any headway today.
Today, after I was disapointed on the scale, I literally forced myself to run. I managed two miles on the trail. I am glad I did it, but it was hard. I really just wanted to sit on my rear and do nothing. Yesterday I went to boot camp at the gym and really felt pretty good(except when I about passed out because I am a good breath holder). So-what is the difference?
I am really trying to eat healthy. I have almost completely cut out processed sugars, which means I hardly eat any bread, potatoes or rice. I am getting my greens and fruits and I am getting enough protein. I rarely eat artificial sweeteners. Is my ebb and flow literally inside my brain? Am I truly that sensitive that I am already being affected by the changing light just as the leaves are? I know that light sensitivity is real, I have dealt with it before, but usually I really feel it in January and February when winter's dark talons engulf me and I can't get free until spring.
I read. I read a lot. I know that exercise and healthy eating are the best ways to help cure almost any ailments. I KNOW THIS. I have been trying so hard to do this. So why the ebb and flow so often? Is the ebb and flow caused by my femaleness and if so how do I combat this without getting sucked into its dark undercurrent?
1 comment:
I'm not even hoping for a few good days in a row. I'm just looking for a few good hours! I always feel so happy and motivated in the morning buy by afternoon it's time to sit on the couch and read and don't anybody talk to me. Especially if you still have to be reminded to wash your hands after you go to the bathroom.
I have always suffered from depression but February was the worst month of all. I was in the middle of my big change in diet last winter and I remember being a bit depressed but I also had that horrible flu for several weeks in February. Now that I have overcome the depression in general I'm interested to see how I feel this winter.
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