In the dust

I cleaned bathrooms the other day. My children have been on bathroom duty lately. Because of this, it was time for a little more than "a lick and a promise!" I started in our half bath. It is the most used toilet in the house. It is directly off the kitchen and garage. It was disgusting. I found the pumice stone and started removing the mineral deposits. I cringed through the entire process of that bathroom.

I moved on to the middle bathroom. It is used mostly by one little seven year old boy. He often uses it without turning on the light. I did the normal dialogue in my head. "I need a maid, toilet lids should last longer. Toilet lids should self clean. Does anyone ever know that I actually clean behind the toilet? Does anyone ever know that I clean the baseboards behind the toilet? No one ever notices a bathroom is clean, they only notice if it is dirty." I finished that toilet and moved on to my own bathroom.

My bathroom is a lovely bathroom with a garden tub inset in a bay window. (Why are they called a garden tub? Anyone ever seen one in a garden?) It has a lovely large mirror and walk in shower. It also seems to be a magnet for dust, lint and box elder bugs. I started the ritual on the toilet. This toilet isn't nearly as bad as the others, however, the same dialogue began. "Toilets should just come with a maid. We sent man to the moon, we should be able to make a toilet lid that the paint stays on with cleaning. I should swish and swipe this toilet every day, that isn't so hard. Why is there so much lint in this bathroom, more than any other in the house?" I continued cleaning the rest of the bathroom, moving to the counter and then to the tub. There are always a few tub toys hanging out on the edge, along with a spoon and a few pencils. I don't know why we have spoons in the tub.

As I am picking up the various toys and parts around the tub, I realize that the edge has once again become a bug graveyard. I go to get the vacuum. The dialogue begins again, "does anyone else actually vacuum out their tub? This is disgusting." I finish vacuuming the tub, begin wiping and look up at the three windows of wood blinds. They are covered in box elder bug leavings. I figure I might as well clean them while I am at it.

The process of cleaning these blinds is a bit labor intensive. They need to be dusted terribly. I go and get one of those swiffer things. Each individual slat has to be dusted, and they are divided in three. I start the process, dust the entire blind, then wipe down every single slat.

The dialogue that always seems to run in my head begins yet again. "These blinds are disgusting, I hate box elder bugs. What did Justin do, splash bubbles to the ceiling? How long has it been since these were cleaned? No one ever knows that I have spent two hours cleaning these blinds." The dialogue doesn't stop. I move to the next center blind, the largest of the three. "These blinds are starting to really get worn. I wonder if I should see if individual slats could be replaced. This slat is pealing a bit. They are ten years old." I continue the mental debate while I finish dusting, and wiping every single slat while standing precariously on the edge of the tub.

While standing on the edge of the tub, wedged in between the cupboard and the wall, I begin the third and final blind in the bathroom. The mental barrage of negativity begins again. I start to dust. As I am dusting a sudden thought enters my mind---and my heart---

"Sherie can't stand on her tub and dust her blinds."

My friend Sherie is battling cancer. It is very, very bad. She has lost much of her balance and most of her hair.

In that instant, my cleaning changed. I had a powerful epiphany that this mess that I was cleaning was actually full of blessings. I was physically able to stand precariously on the side of the tub while dusting and wiping those blinds. Those blinds, that moments before had looked old and worn out, were actually such a blessing. I have blinds and they have held up well for ten years. They are also on windows in a lovely, large bathroom that has running water, a toilet that flushes and a shower.

My heart was changed in that instant. I had spent almost two hours complaining in my mind that no one notices the clean bathrooms, only the dirty ones. In that instant I realized that I was blessed because I COULD CLEAN those bathrooms. I was blessed because I have those bathrooms. I was blessed to have those windows, blinds and tub. I am blessed because I have children that leave behind spoons that show they have played.

As I finished cleaning up that last blind and wiping down the tub I felt a huge deal of gratitude. I often feel quite alone in this motherhood/maid role that I play. I often feel that what I do doesn't really matter to anyone, no one actually knows that I do it.

In that instant, standing on my tub, I knew that "HE KNOWS I DO IT." I matter to Him.

Letters

Oftentimes I feel like I want to write and then I just don't make the time to do it. This week has been one of those weeks. Numerous things have happened that I have felt I should write about.

A week ago my sweet friend and neighbor Michele's sister passed away. She was only 37 years old. It was sudden. There was no illness or accident. She played with her family during the day and that evening told her husband she hurt and then was gone.

I am blessed to know Michele and her parents. I have met this sister a time or two. However, this loss has just shaken me. I really didn't know Natalie. Yet I know that Natalie has left behind a husband and three very young children. The youngest is only two.

My heart just aches for these little children. Will they ever truly know how much their Momma loved them? Will they always wonder what she felt about them?

A few years ago when Anne Peterson died I had many of the same feelings. Her family was so young. They knew she was going to die, however. I wonder if that made it so that she thought about saying those important things. I know that she made a point of having pictures with her children.

If I died tomorrow would my children know how I feel about them? Would they know that I would do anything to help them? Do they know that I love them more than life itself? Would they be able to find a picture of me with them? All the little stories that are locked inside my heart-are they written down anywhere? I have work to do.

If I am very honest I don't think that my children would really understand how I feel about them. I don't know that a child can understand that until they have children of their own. However, during this last week I have had the impression more than once that I need to write letters to my children. These are letters that I will not give them now. Hopefully, they are letters that they can all have when I am old, old. I am going to start writing my children letters and putting them into a special box. I hope that they don't ever have to grow up without me, but if they do, I want them to be able to have a letter from me telling them what treasures they are to me.

As I write this I feel like maybe I should write them more letters that they can read now. The problem that I have with this is that often my children look at me like I have lost my mind when I talk about emotions and feelings. They also react to me telling them what I feel is important by saying I am preaching to them.

Not quite sure what or how, but I know that I must write down these feelings for my children. I know that I would love to have one letter from my Dad that told me how he felt about me.

For now I get another day with my children and husband. Every single day needs to be treated as a blessing. These people in my life need to know that I feel that THEY are MY BLESSINGS.

June 16--Uncle Laren Terry's Funeral

Laren Terry -Laid to rest June 16, 2011

Uncle Laren always told his family that he wanted to die with his boots on. That is exactly what he did. He died at work. He will be missed by everyone.

The more funerals I go to the more I realize how they don't get easier as we get older. I believe that they are getting harder and harder for me. As I looked around at my family I realized how we are an aging group of people. There are many more funerals in my future.

Listening to the thoughts given at the funeral I actually learned or remembered a few things about my Uncle Laren. He was quite a tease. I didn't know this! He had a strong testimony in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. He loved his family and he loved his country. His family was lucky to have him all the years that they did.

Connie, David and Claudia Rose

Uncle Merril and Patty Rose

M'Lisa, Max, Aunt Elva, Rita, Bobbie and Stacey Rose

Teresa Rose Layton, Aunt LaRae Rose, Veda Mae Dalley(Mom), Betsy Dalley Halverson(sister)

Sydni Rose Spencer and Marci Rose Campbell

Kodi, Jeanne and Chad Rose

Bentley LeCheminant(Christa's Dalley's baby)

Lisa Terry Munns and Aunt Patty Rose

Kelsie Rose holding baby Ava Montgomery(Regina Dalley's baby)

Veda Mae Rose Dalley holding Ava Montgomery

Great Grandma!!

Ashley's Near Death Experience

Ashley about died. No really--she is a lucky lucky girl. She and Mitch decided to go try out the new long board that Mitch made in shop. The road by our house is too rocky so they went over by our new school. The roads are new and smooth. They are also mostly hills. Bigger than they look.

Ashley crashed going probably 30-35 miles per hour. Mitch was behind her in the car. Of course there was no helmet. Mitch said that she just laid there. I am certain that she was knocked unconscious. Mitch got her in the car and drove her home. I did not know what to do. She was a screaming mess. At first I didn't really realize how badly she had crashed. I didn't know that she laid there. I didn't understand that her hysteria was a concussion.

This was a very scary night. Hind sight is very clear and we should have taken her in earlier. When I did take her in the Dr. told her that she was a very lucky girl. There are many fatalities on long boards. Fatal head injuries. She was lucky she didn't break her skull.

She had a cat scan and was clear from bleeds or fractures so that was good. However, with a serious concussion it could take weeks to really heal.

These pictures are five days after the accident. She wouldn't let me near her with a camera before that! She also suffered from bad road rash. Both elbows, both knees, hands and her hip. Her hip is the most painful.

I hope that someday Ashley has the ability to look at this accident and realize that she was spared. Spared death and spared from permanent brain injury. She experienced a miracle. We believe in the Power of the Priesthood. I know that the blessing her Dad gave her helped. She had faith. She must have a reason that she was spared. I just hope that she will be a bit more cautious and realize that she can get hurt. A helmet would be a great idea!

More

This coming Thursday is Thanksgiving. THANKSGIVING---already?! With this realization I have been thinking beyond that to Christmas. I have really been pondering how to bring the True Spirit of Christmas into our home. I work and worry about this every year. I think that we have done okay at it.

I want more. I want to really feel love, kindness, service and joy. I want my children to do some things that they will remember forever. I want experiences for my family.

What are those experiences that will bring a change upon us?

We have helped gather food for the food banks before, valuable--very, but I think that a basket of food taken somewhere doesn't really hit their hearts.

I have never helped at a shelter. I wonder if we are ready for that. What type of service could we provide. Hats, gloves?

We have many widows in our neighborhood. I know that they are terribly lonely, and it is so much harder during the holidays. What are some ways that we could truly serve these people?

How can we serve each other inside our own home? I struggle daily with this. I serve constantly, I am the Mom. Mr. Sugar Daddy serves, he is the Daddy. What about the children? I want them to be able to step outside of their own little world that revolve around them and look around. What could be done to serve? How do I go about helping to instill this?

These are the thoughts that have been flooding my mind. Now to get them from my mind to paper to fruition.

A little bit lost

For three years my family has participated in Family Home Evening on Monday nights with the singles ward. We have had spiritual lessons, gone skeet shooting, carved pumpkins, eaten corn dogs, ice skated, played lots of games and basically had a wonderful time. There have always been at least 20 people-often many more.

Last night my little family of six did Family Home Evening by ourselves. We went bowling. It was very different to be just our little group.

I am certain that we will have these lost feelings for a very long time.

Release Day

Today was a day that almost three years ago I could not have imagined. My sweet husband was released as Bishop of his single adult ward. We have known today was the day for two weeks. I knew that he would be sad and emotional. I knew that it would be a difficult day for D. I had no idea how difficult it would be for myself or my children.

Early yesterday, D met with the new Bishop for four hours, trying to explain three years of experiences into that short time. It was an impossible task. We then attended a wedding, bought gifts and went to empty out his office at the church. I was not prepared. Taking down pictures that have greeted everyone who entered that office in the last three years. It was rough.

Today came with a feeling of sadness. As I entered the building I was fully aware that this was the end of an incredible experience, an experience that we never imagined. An experience that can not really be explained in words. We met with the group of people that served together. It was hard. We then met with the stake presidency, this was even harder. They said many kind things.

As we were preparing for Sacrament meeting I watched my sweet husband walk in his office, push his chair under the desk and lay his keys on the desk and walk out. He never looked back.

As the meeting began I walked in the chapel and saw unfamiliar families sitting in the chapel pews. I remember how I felt that day, three years ago. I was so worried about myself and how I would handle this challenge. Three years have flown by. This calling has been one of the choicest experiences of my life. It wasn't always easy or fun for me. I often felt left out and not a part of D's world. I often had to stay home and be the Mom. However, as I sat in that chapel I knew that I had been blessed by this experience in more ways than I could have ever imagined.

After the meeting was one of the most emotional experiences of my life. We talked, hugged, cried and said goodbye. How do you express to people in a hug what they have meant to you? I watched all of my children struggle with their emotions as I struggled with my own. I hugged people that I have loved. It wasn't hard to love them.

We walked out of that building that we so hesitantly entered three years ago. We left with changed hearts, having served and loved and having been loved in return.

Photo of the Day

Photo of the day!

There is beauty everywhere. Sometimes we just have to look.

(taken at Martin's Cove, Wyoming)

Drained

Feeling totally drained! My house is a wreck and I barely have enough energy to take care of it!

It is amazing how much physical energy a spiritual experience requires. However, I am so grateful for the experience I had.

Martin's Cove

Pioneer Trek. For many that phrase brings feelings of dread. After our experience this week I will always have a smile when I hear those words. We headed to Wyoming with a busload of about 50 young single adults and their leaders(and our two oldest children) to have a pioneer type of experience. We were dressed in pioneer period clothing(with the exception of sunglasses, underarmour and good shoes!)We had all researched the events that happened to the Willie and Martin handcart companies in the year 1856. We expected to learn about that more in depth. What we had was much more than hiking in pioneer clothing.

It was a life experience.

It is something that would be difficult to truly explain to someone that wasn't there. In fact, I feel that it might infringe on the sacredness of the experience to try and explain it to someone that wasn't there.

Prayer's were answered and lives were changed. Mine included. I am indeed grateful that I had the opportunity to participate in this incredible experience with so many amazing people. My life has forever been altered.

Martin's Cove

Turn up the Heat!

We awoke to snow on our mountains! It is officially(no matter the calendar!) FALL here!

We have had a busy weekend. We went on a training seminar to Martin's Cove in Wyoming. For those of you that don't know what Martin's Cove is let me give you some history. In the early history of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS-Mormon's) there was a huge exodus across the country to Utah. Thousands of Pioneers came across the plains in covered wagons and also handcarts. The first groups arrived in Salt Lake in 1847 but there continued to be great numbers of people that continued to come for many more years. In the year 1856 numerous handcart companies left Iowa--they left later than normal. When they reached Wyoming they were in a desperate situation. Their food had been rationed and was almost completely gone. An early winter storm overtook them. Their's is a story of faith. Many, many of these faithful pioneers lost their lives before a rescue team from Salt Lake City made it to them.

We are planning a "Trek" with my husbands single young adult ward next summer. In the course of the experience we will learn about these pioneers by dressing in pioneer clothing and by pulling handcarts and learning about their struggles and their faith.

This was our first time to participate in something of this sort. It was a humbling experience. This is not a vacation destination. There is no reason to ever drive to this part of the world. It is desolate, windy and full of nothing! However, the feelings that exist in that sacred place were felt as soon as you stepped on the trail. We were trained about how to carry out our groups trek. We actually participated in the different activities, saw videos of other groups, learned histories of those who survived and those that didn't.

My sweet hubby was exhausted after we finished. Not just from the physical strain of the trek but from the intensity of the Spirit that was felt there. The Spirits of those pioneers tarries there.

This is an experience that we will not soon forget.

(rarity for me but I took NO pictures)

Changing Times

Times are changing.

I am not ready for all the changes that come to us in this life. My dear sweet 86 year old neighbor, Margaret, has lived in this little house since she was married. She was only around 16/17 when she got married. This little house was a little log cabin at the time. It has since had many additions to it. My sweet Margaret is no longer able to take care of herself in her home. She has moved to an assisted living center. This little home has been sold to a grandson and his young family. They have four little ones, first grade and younger.

Margaret has been an inspiration to me. I have always said that I want to be like her when I am old. She has had many hardships in her life. Her mother died when she was young. She helped raise her younger sister. Her father remarried and the stepmother wasn't terribly nice. She moved to a tiny little cabin with no indoor plumbing. She raised five children and helped her husband with their farm. He was a good man but a stubborn man(normal for his time). She has had cancer a few times. She had throat surgery and they accidentally cut her vocal chord. They didn't think she would ever be able to talk again, yet she did. She told me that she can't sing and she misses singing so much!

She has been a widow for 14 years. She has always been kind and loving. Her grandchildren and great-grandchildren have loved coming to her home. She always had "paint with water" books for the kids to paint when they came to visit. They loved painting with Grandma. My little girl is friends with one of the great-granddaughters so she got to paint and play with "Grandma" quite a bit.

I remember talking to her on the street by the mailbox one day. I asked her how she was doing. She said "Oh, I am fine. I am just so slow. I am as slow as a turtle. I just wish that I could run! I love to run."

One day I recieved a phone call from the alert company that Margaret used. She had fallen and pushed her emergency button. She wasn't answering when they paged her. Could I go and check on her? I ran across the street and she was patiently sitting on the lawn hoping that someone would come and help her. Our motorhome was parked on the street in between our houses so we couldn't see her. She had been out watering and had slipped. She just didn't have the strength to get up. I was so glad that I had answered the phone. I was in a hurry getting ready to leave and I almost let it ring.

There are only a few things that are for certain in life. Death is one of them. As I am getting older I look around at the other people in my life that are also getting older. It saddens me so much. There are people in my life that are not young. I am not terribly young. I have had many people pass already in my life. I feel so sad when someone dies. This life is so short. The older we get the shorter it is! Every person I meet in my life has affected me. I am grateful for my knowledge that this isn't the end. That we can be with the people we love again.

My sweet Margaret has been one of the kindest, sweetest examples of what "enduring with grace" should look like. She has always spoken kindly, even of people that have been difficult in her life.

Our Sweet "Grandma Margaret" will be missed.

12 hours later!

What a whirlwind day!
We left our house at 9:30 am headed to a wedding in Manti, Utah. It is about 3 hours away. We stop and eat lunch, then continue on to the wedding. We arrive a bit early and then go to a beautiful Temple(LDS) sealing of two beautiful people. Cassie is a young girl who recently joined the LDS church and her sweet hubby is perfect for her. After the ceremony we waited and then went to the dinner. Hubby did a ring service for them because her parents weren't able to attend the wedding. It was lovely! Then we headed for home. Twelve hours after leaving we arrived! What a day!
Tomorrow morning we go to another wedding--only 1/2 hour away!

This is a very busy time but these weddings are wonderful. These are wonderful young adults that are making a huge step in their lives. It is always wonderful to participate in a Temple wedding!

Brighter day!

Today has been a bit brighter than yesterday. Thanks for the kind wishes. Sometimes being the Mom is not always fun. However, I always love my children and am grateful for them. I am also wondering what I am supposed to learn from this challenge. I believe that with every trial we have in our lives there is a lesson to be learned.

Let Her Wave

This was the view from my front yard tonight as I helped Hubby empty out the boat from our afternoon on the lake.

Funny thing--it is the first picture I took of about six and it is my favorite.

As summer begins to wind down(school is starting very soon) let's not forget about those that are serving our country.

We are blessed.

Beauty

Beauty is everywhere. I believe that it is the handiwork of our Heavenly Parents. I seem to be a bit stretched thin lately so I am trying to notice the little bits of beauty all around us. While doing this I am hoping that my heart is opened and softened so that I can feel His love.

How Small?

Do you ever wonder if you should pray about something? What if it is a simple thing? Something that only matters to you. Perhaps a simple item that is lost, do you ever feel silly praying about it? I know that I do. However, I am learning that my Heavenly Father is aware of me and my life. I am learning to trust Him, even if it is a simple, stupid thing that is lost.

Sick Wee One!

Today was a strange Sunday. I got up and showered quickly, got kids moving, etc. We were on schedule until I went and got Little Boy blue out of his crib. He had bright red cheeks and was feverish. So, that changed all of my plans. I did manage to get the other three out the door to Grandma's so she could drive them to church. Little one and I just held each other all morning. I hope that he will be doing better soon. He was warm again tonight, he has been doing the motrin rollercoaster. Poor little baby! I miss church when I don't go. I also really enjoy going to the singles ward. It is a different feeling where they are not so family oriented yet.

My big sweetie came home from church today wiped out. It was a rough day as Bishop(congregation leader-LDS church). I wish that there was something that I could do to help him but there isn't really. So, I keep praying, and making sandwiches. He is such a good man. I am often reminded about how lucky I am to have him in my life. Now, don't get me wrong, he isn't a saint or anything. He has a few faults, but all in all I got one of the really good guys out there.

I am going to Germany very soon! I have many things that need to be accomplished before I go. I am not really worried about clothes or that type of thing(although I need some pants badly). I am more worried about getting this house so that it isn't so difficult for my Mom. Also, Easter will be while I am gone- So, there are just a lot of things that we Mom's just do.
I have thought about writing one of those lists--you know, the ones that list every project you want to accomplish. I have done these lists before and I don't think that they really help. I am such a procrastinator! However, I have plans to make some progress! Lara is coming over tomorrow to help me figure out a desk in the big girls bedroom. Lara is so handy with tools and she won't procrastinate if it is at my house! So, tomorrow it is!

What plans do you have? A paint project, a pantry declutter(oh, yeah, that is mine also). My garage is also in desperate need of some attention. I have 7 chairs that need painted(Shh, don't tell Lara) and the list goes on and on and on!

One step at a time!

The Tree

The tree.

Does this tree look like any of you feel? It actually looks a lot like me lately. This poor tree has been in my basement. Ignored. Neglected. No one has given it any attention for much too long. It has patiently waited for someone to care about it. It held on to it's leaves as long as it could. It then decided that maybe it could lose a few and it would help it. Well, it finally was ignored so much that it started losing lots and lots of leaves.

Yesterday I decided to bring the tree upstairs. I was going to decide if it was going to be able to be saved or if it would have to be thrown out.

Have any of you ever felt like this poor tree? Like you have been ignored, abused and left to fend for yourself?

Well, let's take a good look at this poor tree. It has been ignored and abused. Most of it's leaves are gone, the ones left are bedragled and barely holding on. You must look more closely. This poor tree is trying to repair itself! It is trying so hard to hold on and do what it was put here to do. Grow leaves!

As I brought the tree up I really looked at it to see if I thought it was "worth the effort". Well, that poor little tree with 2/3 of its leaves on the floor has new little tiny leaves trying oh so hard to bud from the dry, dry, dry branches.

Maybe this tree is a reminder to all of us. We need to remember why we were put here. What is our calling, our job, our reason? The tree has inside of it to grow leaves. We were put here to magnify our inner light. To help others find their light. It is deep inside all of us. We need to let it out.

So if any of you are feeling like my poor tree, withered and neglected, remember that we all have that light within us. It is just up to us to let that light out and find ways to help it grow. We can't hang out in the basement waiting for someone else to water us. We must do it by ourselves. No one else has the ability to change us, only we can do that. So get out of that dark basement, find something that waters your soul. Find something that will help you to let your little green leaves grow.

(watering the tree wouldn't be a bad idea either!)

Never Shrinking

During this crazy week of mine I am trying to find things to eliminate to reduce stress. It is difficult to do, however, I am getting better at saying no. Do any of you have problems saying no? Do you want to please everyone? I was reading today and came across a quote that I have had on my fridge for months. It made me look at it again. It is rather profound. You may need to read it a few times over a few days to really understand it.


Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that frightens us.

We ask ourselves “who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?”
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Marianne Williamson


I showed this to my friend Lara and she asked if I really believed this. She said that she feels that we are all insecure and don't feel good about ourselves. I agree with her. However, I think that life may actually cause us to have those insecurities. We all get so hung up on fitting in that we forget who we are. We allow other people to be our voices. I really wish that I had an answer that would help us be able to raise our children so that they wouldn't have to go through the rediscovery of self. I don't know how. I have a child in middle school. It is a difficult age. She wants to belong so much that she may be willing to perhaps do things that she doesn't really believe in. She is just so fragile that she doesn't know which way, so whomever is loudest she might follow. People will give you the line "teach them the correct ways and principles and they will make the right choices." I do not always believe that. I believe that this world is difficult and sometimes we make bad choices even when we have been taught better.

I hope that I can teach my children that they are Children of God. That they have a special purpose on this earth that only they can accomplish. I hope that they will grow and develop and know that they are loved, even if they choose poorly. I also hope that I teach them that I will love them even if I don't like their choices. I think that for young people that is a hard concept to grasp. How can someone love me if I have done something wrong? Because you are my child. Think about this from our Heavenly Father's perspective. He loves us despite our failings. We are His children. He is disappointed and saddened by our choices but He loves us still. He also provided a way for us to repent and change and come back into His light. His light radiates from anyone who has it. It shows in their countenance. It is that sparkle in someones eyes. It is what draws us to certain people.

I am going to really try and focus on not shrinking. We all have gifts to give. It may be making someone else laugh. It may be a simple note in the mail. We all have a special gift that we need to use. We are all CHILDREN OF GOD. He has a grand plan for us. I hope that I can have His light in my countenance.